TW: Self-harm
“I can remember the first time doing it, I can’t remember why though. I did it on my leg. I didn’t do it that much, but regularly enough. I remember feeling I was an absolute freak when I was doing it. I thought, I’m really losing it, I’m crazy. But it’s much more common than we’re led to believe. There’s a negative energy, an inarticulate pain of some sort, and you’re not really sure how to direct that. It’s almost a relief to release that negative energy. I think at a subconscious level it’s also a cry for help. It’s an aggressive action looking for a response either from yourself or from someone else. During my last tour [in 1999], felt the feelings creep back again that I used to feel when I was a teenager. Feelings of self-disgust, I suppose. Some kind of need to express pain and not really having a forum in which to do that, so I felt the desire to cut myself again. I didn’t act upon it, I sort of restrained myself, knowing it wouldn’t actually do any good, which is exactly why I checked myself into therapy when I got home. I just thought, this is ridiculous. I wanted to get rid of it once and for all.” - Shirley Manson
